Baby Blogging

February 18, 2009

A little revelation:

Mothers making phone calls or sending color-coordinated cards to family and friends to announce the arrival and sex of their newborn is, apparently, very 2008. At a month-and-a-half into the new year, I’ve discovered that having little ones, for celebs at least, is no longer about competing for who can dish out the strangest moniker to their mini-mePilot Inspektor still takes the cake in my opinion, and only because of the pointless change in spelling; it’s like when people spell it “azz” (why must you????)but, who can best use modern technology to go about delivering (no pun intended) their labor timeline. Kudos to Erykah Badu and baby daddy #3 for Twittering to-the-minute updates of the at-home birth of their daughter Mars Merkaba (see that name? fun times!). How either of them made time to type and tweet during the final stages is a mystery to me. I’m pretty sure she was supposed to be pushing, and he was supposed to be covering his eyes and praying he became impotent.

Now, M.I.A. – though I don’t remember her ever being one to jump on a bandwagon – has taken to her MySpace blog to post…um…post-natally about her new baby boy. Clearly taking a cue from Kanye by keeping the CAPS lock on, M.I.A. goes on to produce an editor’s nightmare – insert “[sic]” all over this thing:

HAPPY VALENTINES!

SUNDAY NITE I CA M E HOME FROM THE GRAMMY’S STILL IN THE MOOD TO PARTY , I COUDA EASILY GONE OUT BUT I WENT HOME INSEAD , LUCKY I DID!! COZ MY EARLY STAGE LABOUR KICKED IN AROUND 2 AM .

MY BABY WAS BORN WEDNESDAY , HE IS HEALTHY , FINE , BEAUTIFUL AND THE MOST AMZING THING EVER ON THIS PLANET, OF COURSE IM HIS MUM!!!

ME AND BABY ARE PUTTING OUR TOUR DATES FOR 2010 TOGETHER
AND MAKING MIX TAPES
AND FIGURING OUT A WAY TO BREAK OUT OF THE HOSPITAL !

HOPEFULLY THE WORLD IS BEEN TICKING ALONG AND I AINT MISSED MUCH!

C U SOON ,

AND MY BABY BOY SAYZ HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Other than impatiently awaiting the press release that announces the infants name – I’m crossing my fingers that M.I.A names him B.O.Y. – give it two years and he will be donned in Okley Run and knocking that Suri Cruise out of the top spot for Best Dressed Baby (why that list exists, I’ll never know, but it’s got to be causing some sort of na-na-poo-poo taunting on the Hollywood hotspot playground).

Honestly, ogling at offspring isn’t my thing, but somewhere in the middle of that text (that ignored all things good and alphabetical and acceptable of grammar), M.I.A. posted a link that made my day. I quadruple dare you to watch this with a straight face. ‘Tis a personal feat.

 (And I am very aware that there are only two females in the running for this, but my prediction is that, come 2010, Bai Ling will have a baby via Skype and take the conclusive title for batshitcrazy.)

“Where Have You Been?”

February 17, 2009

I have to give a huge shout-out to the PF Changs playlist. I work at a restaurant and, trust, the lounge music on loop has made me consider quitting. Repetition is a form of torture; I care what no one says. French ditties, inauthentic reggae tunes, butchered Simon & Garfunkel classics do not a charming dinner make.

Anyway, me and the fam went out to the Chinese bistro the other night for Pops birthday and luckily for me and my sanity, the speakers blasted this little tune. My sister and I fell into one of those “This my song!” rants, but failed to immediately remember its singer, year of release and so forth. I ended up, as I tend to do, texting myself the lyrics – at the moment, I have “Put your blue jeans back on…” and “I want something else to get me thru this…” in my draft box. Turns out, it was Lenny Kravitz’s “Again.”

I used to love this video. The morning cartoon. The blink-and-you-‘ll-miss-it gratuitous ass shot. The makeout session laden with Vaseline. The love/lust story. The girl! (not Gina Gershon). Back in 2000, Wikipedia did not exist. Therefore, in my mind, she was some terribly unknown skinny. She still is, but now I know her name is Teresa Lourenco. She’s Trinidadian-born, but hails from Germany. She has her own denim line, and somehow (I’m not sure how, because she is hideous) she convinced a basketball player to marry her. Go figure.