Kanye vs. 50

There’s one thing that Kanye West is very very good at. Other than the whole creative genius/rapping thing. And that’s pissing people off.

And now it’s being reported that Vince McMahon and the WWE have offered Kanye close to $10 million to show up at 3 events. Not that he needs the money, but if he accepts the offer, he would have to do some “light wrestling.” I’m not sure what that means – is that when you use your thumb? – but regardless, here are some of opponents I’d like to see the Louie Vuitton Don get in the ring with.

VIBE MAGAZINE: Um, we all know what happened to them. So, by default
Winner: Yeezy.

TAYLOR SWIFT: She’s a classy southern belle who, clearly, doesn’t fight dirty – we saw this at the VMAs – so she’ll Jedi-mindtrick his ass by using her words, and not her weight. i.e. She’ll sing him that country love song she won Best Female Video for over and over until he willingly walks out the ring.
Winner: T.S.!

50 CENT: a.k.a. Battle of the Jaw. Literally. (But also, figuratively. As in, who can talk the most trash without ever really doing…much of anything else?)
Winner: Stalemate.

ANY PAPARAZZI CAMERA MAN: Amber Rose is always available because she has nothing else to do. The cameras love her and she loves them back. So, using her lifeless, Barbie-shaped self as a diversion, Kanye can sneak away without ever having to throw a punch.
Winner: ‘Ye.

GEORGE W. BUSH: Dubya shocks the nation. As usual. Shoots Kanye accidentally, while claiming he was hunting quail. Runs around chanting: “They misunderestimated me!”
Winner: Baby Bush.